I just want to quit. Eventhough I’m disappointed and feeling helpless. I know one day I will stop destroying my skin. It’s possible! !
on another note, you have beautiful eyes!
The last few days I’ve been picking more than normal. I know, for me, dermatillomania hits me in waves. I can go weeks barely picking and suddenly it’s back in my life, every day.
Usually I get upset, I let it throw me in a shame spiral, I feel disgust.
But right now, the only thing I feel about it is that it’s annoying. Like a papercut would be annoying. Like some rush hour traffic would be annoying.
I think that’s progress.
I’ve slacked on using my tangle toys and that shows. I’m not taking as much time for myself as I was a few weeks ago and that shows.
If you had asked me a year ago whether skin picking would be a thing I could manage daily, I would have thought you were crazy.
But now, with most of the shame and embarrassment removed I can look at it objectively. What are my compulsions telling me? Probably that I need more sleep, a nice long bath and to tackle some work projects. Probably that I need a day to run errands and do laundry and clean my room. Probably that I need a nice long walk in the sun and a big juicy apple.
I can work with my compulsions. I don’t have to fight my body. I can take a step back and asses how I’m feeling. Take a few minutes to be there for myself and just listen to my voice, figure out my wants and needs.
I’m picking at my skin and I don’t hate myself for it. I’m picking at my skin and I’m taking time to observe what I’m feeling. I’m picking at my skin and no one loves me less or thinks I’m disgusting for it. I’m picking at my skin and life is good.
About a month shy of 2 years in the making, I am proud to finally present to you all Project Dermatillomania: The Stories Behind Our Scars! The book is for sale as a colour version and also in black and white, with all proceeds from the book going to the Canadian BFRB Support Network (canadianbfrb) and the Trichotillomania Learning Center (tlcbfrb). The book features the stories of skin pickers, by us, for others like us. I hope you all enjoy it!
COLOUR VERSION: http://www.blurb.ca/b/5126510-project-dermatillomania
BLACK AND WHITE VERSION: http://www.blurb.ca/b/5126479-b-w-project-dermatillomania
And from now until March 26, use the promo code LITTLEBOOK and get 15% off!
LEGGO WOOP WOOP
I need help.. Idk what to do and it's getting so bad .. My mom knows about it and I told her that I stopped but I've just been doing it in secret places and like idk why I'm lieing! Like I want help but I'm lieing.. I can't stop.. My body is so destroyed.. I was know. For clear skin now I can't look at myself help me please
Hey, so I guess my advice would be to just come clean to your mom. It’s easier said than done, I know. It’s great that she is aware of the behavior at all. Hold on to that trust and explain what you wrote to me. It’s okay to not understand why you would lie about your progress. It could be a number of things—denial, shame, avoidance, wishful thinking… It’s totally normal and not something that should consume you with guilt.
When we feel desperate like this it’s important to have someone to remind us that skin heals and that they love us no matter what. Be open with your mom and you could have a really great support system :)
Hi Im Ana and im 17 and also from the US. I stumbled across your blog (I manly use tumblr for procrastination on homework purposes and it does a fantastic job) I have Dermatillomania and trichitillomania and you blog is rather inspiring. I have always kept my trich and dermatillomania to my self and I struggle with not being ashamed of something that isnt my fault. What gave you the courage to come out and share your story with everyone? - Ana
Hi Ana! Thank you for your kind words. I think shame is something we all deal with…the nature of these behaviors is not widely understood, and so I think we anticipate people’s judgements. I was inspired by this community of strong, beautiful people I found online. It gave me a renewed desire to recover. This is what ultimately encouraged me to speak out about it in real life, along with a general feeling of “I can’t take it anymore!” :D I just had to unload the secrets to stay sane.
I wish you the best! <3
“I pick at my acne.
And I try to roll my sleeves up
as symmetrically as possible.
I eat mints in odd numbers and
when I have cold toes
it reminds me of being a 6 year old:
all full of brains and sour cream and onion flavored chips.
I wish I still had the wall that my mom measured out my height on.
I want to be able to see how much I’ve grown.
I used to hold up three fingers
by pushing down the pinky
and leaving the other ones up.
Now, I hold down the index.
There’s no need to point at things
There’s a brick wall in the building I live in.
It always looks the same
but if you asked me to draw it today
and then asked me to draw it tomorrow,
it’s going to look different.
I look different.
I feel the same.
I’m still figuring things out.
Getting up and moving is tougher
than I thought.”
I love this bc it doesn’t specify what isnt permanent. Like it could be that empty feeling nestled in your chest, that guilt over something you did last night, or that sadness that consumes you. It might even be the feelings you share with a certain person, or just life in general.
Saw a pic of one of these rings in the dermatillomania tag and had to find where it came from. Check it out! These are definitely interesting. Looks like it’s a developing project with new models coming out in the future. I wonder if they’re comfortable? Something I’ll keep my eye on.